Donut vs cookie

At the Quickie Mart

Some random tired mom to her little kids: “You can have a donut to eat now, or a cookie to eat after day care.”

Little girl: “Why can’t I have a cookie now?”

Mom: “Because cookies are full of sugar and not a healthy breakfast like donuts.”

Richard: “Um, I don’t want to be rude, but. . .  Oh never mind.  Your kids are adorable.  Have a great day.”

Floppy Meat

At dinner, discussing where food comes from (other than Kansas City BBQ joints)

Richard: “Cows eat the grass, and then we eat the cows.”
Isaac [holding up and waving a piece of sliced brisket]: ‘It’s made of grass?  No wonder it is so floppy [giggles]”

Turkey

Richard: “Maybe we should roast the Turkey this year.”
Isaac: “We should cook it outside in that bubbling stuff.”
Richard: “In the deep fryer?  We could, but it is a lot of work.”
Isaac: “But, but, you’re the guy who sleeps in tents.  What’s work?”

Erasure

Richard [helping Isaac with his homework]: “Just erase that and try again.”
Isaac [erasing with vigor]: “Do you know how much my teacher hates sloppy erasing?”
Richard: “With the fiery passion of 1000 suns?”
Isaac [pausing to ponder]: “No, probably not that much."  But a lot.”